Tough Mudder - The Recap... in microscopic detail!!

This is a long one...
And in depth...
Full of raw emotion and plenty of over-hyped melodrama!! :)

And warning... there is occasional high level coarse language... it was an emotional day...

If you want a succinct recap of TM, check out this article.
It's direct, to the point and sums up the day well.

But beloved reader, if you want the experience of "being there" with me for the ride... read on...

The day I had been waiting for had arrived!
Nine long months after registering, it was here... the 23rd of September 2012... Tough Mudder Day!

I thought I'd face the day with a team of my brethren, but obviously the registration process alone sorted the Mudders from the boys. Our team, !!!TAKE IT!!!, comprised of an army of two. Myself and SB.
I knew SB was fit. He had said in the past that he ran and rode regularly.
I only found out the night before, that he has done marathons and a 50km bush run!!
It was a little daunting as it meant that I was going to be the "the slow one", but at least I wouldn't be having to carry him!! ;)

Let's cut to the day shall we...?

To sum up the entire event:
It was tough...
It was a challenge...
It pushed me...

...but it was doable.

And there were plenty of people out there that were fatter, less fit and older than myself.
(...this hit home the most at around the 15km mark when we passed two girls who probably weighed as much as I do but were a foot shorter and perhaps a foot wider than me. The fact of the matter is that they were out there and giving it a go. Much respect girls!!)

Sure you can skip obstacles if you choose... if you wanna be a Princess Muffin instead of a Tough Mudder... (however on the serious side, if you can't swim or have a heart condition, then it is highly advisable to skip some obstacles!)

But most importantly of all... IT WAS A HELLUVA LOT OF FUN!!!
I spent most of the day with a smile on my dial... :-D

Ready for the blow by blow??

To get you started, here is a PDF map of the course...

The first thing to remember...
It is about a 20km course through bush land. There was plenty of flat surfaces (regularly covered in mud!) but also hills and valleys. The longest run I've ever done in a single go is 14km (75 min). But whilst TM may basically be a half-marathon (with 21 obstacles along the way), one must remember the first part of the Tough Mudder pledge:

I understand that Tough Mudder is not a race but a challenge.

Course time does not matter... There is no funky little tracking device attached to your bib or shoe to monitor how long it takes you to complete the course. So you can run, jog, walk or crawl that 20km... it's up to you... The aim is to finish it and have fun along the way...

The initial obstacle is getting into the holding pen before the start of the race.
There is perhaps a two metre high wall with a small step on it that you need to jump over to get into the holding pen.Was easy enough... biggest risk was copping a kick to the face from someone climbing over next to you.
A guy in our starting time (10am) must have slipped and smacked the back of his head on the ground. When I looked over, he was looking pretty dazed and a paramedic was asking him a bunch of questions. He was part of a big team, but the rest seemed oblivious to his trauma... Luckily he was deemed OK and joined his mates.

The MC got us fired up with a few wise cracks and we all got down on bended knee to solemnly swear the Tough Mudder pledge. One of the official photographers came right up to me and took a snap as I was saying the pledge, but damned if I can find it on the website... too many photos!
I was buzzing!! I was like a firecracker ready to explode!!
So psyched and hyped!
SB, who had earlier suffered some nervous jitters, was now in the zone too.
We were smiling from ear to ear...
We couldn't wait for the start...

Finally the countdown began... and we were off!!

Started at a light canter and let a lot of the heroes run by...
Crossed a small creek... our first taste of muddy water... not even an entree compared to what was to follow... more like a crumb...

Kiss of Mud #1
Easy enough. Mud flat with barbed wire over the top. Keep your head and butt down, crawl and slither along to the other side. Good way to get everyone dirty early.

Arctic Enema
When the first TMs set off at 8am, the water in the Arctic Enema was bright green. By the time we got to it, heck probably by 830, it was mud brown. The Enema is a massive ice bath with a partition across the middle so you have to go underwater to get to the other side. There are dudes standing next to it, constantly pouring in bag after bag of ice, maintaining a super frigid temperature.
While watching the first few groups go through it, one could notice a pattern emerging.
TM jumps in. TM ducks under water and comes up on other side. As TM is climbing out, TM shouts something which usually involves the words: "fuck" and "cold".
I said to SB earlier "When I come out, I'm gonna make a comment about how warm it is".
But when you're clambering out of there, sopping wet and freezing, it's almost like you can't say anything except "fuck" and "cold"!
Jumping in was fine. You can feel it's cold, but it doesn't seem too bad.
But ducking under... it takes your breath away... frost bitten drowning...
You get under that partition, come up for breath and all you can think is... "fuck"... "cold"...

So I get out and make my smart arse comment eventually... but there's no heart behind it... there's just "fuck" and "cold"...
And then it hits you... Your muscles start cramping up... Not too badly... Not proper cramps... But you have just gone from jogging along nicely to sub-zero frosty in a split second and your muscles are screaming "Oi!! Warm me up again!!"
Just had to keep moving... but we hit a rather wide span of river, which didn't help much but we warmed up again eventually.

Quite a decent long jog after a couple of small river crossings brought us to...

Berlin Walls #1
This was a bit of a surprise...
The wooden wall we faced, was a little higher than the holding pen wall... and it still had a little step up... I'm thinking to myself "where's the Tough in Tough Mudder?"...
Scaled and managed not to roll our ankles on the jump down...

Long enough jog to make you start thinking "where are the obstacles?" and then we came across a watering station... Rinsed my mouth and had a small drink then kept moving to...

King of the Mountain
A massive stack of hay bails!
Pretty easy as an obstacle but good fun too! :)
Clambered up and then slid down the other side.

Now on the map it says Twinkle Toes is next, which is meant to be wooden balance beams across a body of water... It wasn't there... Or I was so traumatized that I've wiped it clean from my memory!!
So instead it was a good looooong jog and where we started having to climb up hill.
...it was also where I start to hit a wall!
The vast majority of my running has been done in the early hours of the morning, from about March onwards, around my suburb, which is flat as a witch's tit... So not only has it been in fairly cool conditions, but my legs aren't accustomed to the rigours of ups and downs... yeah yeah I know... Toughen up princess!! :)
We passed plenty of people as we were keeping a good steady jogging pace... but eventually I had to walk for a bit... I have well controlled asthma and I could hear myself wheezing earlier on (often happens after a couple of kms on my normal runs but clears after another km)... but there is a difference between wheezing you can hear coming from your mouth and wheezing that is filling your whole head and making it hard to hear!

So I walked for a bit... SB never left my side... was happy to meet him at the next obstacle, but we were a team and he was sticking by me the whole way. :-D
Didn't take long for my second wind to kick in and we were off again!

Kiss of Mud #2
Felt drier than the first and it was almost a case of just crawl along the furrows that other TMs had left behind them...

Another rest station which also provided some energy gels...
SB wasn't having any water or gels, but I wanted just half a gel as I was worried about cramps and energy reserves. Having never done anything this strenuous, I didn't know what to expect of my body...
Managed to only have about a third of the gel cos I ripped the packet awkwardly and poured most of it down my chin!! You gotta understand, even with a water station, by this stage there is mud everywhere... Face... hands... body... no escaping... so trying to consume a gel in some kind of semi-hygienic manner takes skill... and that was a skill I was lacking! ;)

Funky Monkey
Ahhh... monkey bars over a water pit...
Loved monkey bars as a kid... most of us do... but the older and heavier you get, the harder (or just downright impossible!) it gets... Yes, I've lost 10kgs this year, but I didn't do a lot of upper body training that I should have done...
SB and I had both bought gloves at one of the stands prior to starting. They were great. Stretchy cotton dipped in rubber with grip lines on them... better than the gardening gloves at Bunnings!
SB had bought them quite specifically for this obstacle. Better grip, better chance of getting across without a drenching!
So he jumps up and grabs onto the first rung... moves to grab the next and WHOOPS! he's off and into the water!! And as it turns out, it wasn't just a metre of water... it was maybe 2 or 3 cos SB went right under!!
I managed to get about half way before my hands and arms couldn't cope any more... so it was swim time for me!
Was really happy that I'd made it that far though... thought I was only going to go for three rungs max...

On the other side, SB had ripped off his gloves and thrown them to the ground in disgust... they had failed him when he'd needed them most and it was time to part ways...

Trench Warfare
This was a psychological obstacle more than a physical one...
Narrow trenches dug into the ground and covered over with boards and dirt...
Maybe only about 10 - 15m long... but it's the thought of crawling through them and getting stuck... or collapsing on top of you... or someone freaking out ahead of you and behind you so you're stuck in the middle...
But there were enough trenches and numbers of TMs had spread thin by this stage so we didn't need to worry about the last one...
SB seemed unfazed and went ahead first... I took a cup of concrete and soon followed...

It was amazingly ...for want of a better word... LIBERATING!
It was weird... I'm crawling through a muddy tunnel on my belly... I can't really see as there are slight  twists (or the people in front) in the tunnel blocking out the light... but it is cool and some what comforting... my thoughts turned to Gaia, the Earth Mother... it felt as if she were holding me close and protecting me... my initial fear had completed dissolved and I felt quite happy! :)

Last line of the Tough Mudder pledge:

I overcome all fears.

Dirty Ballerina
Probably one of my favourite obstacles of the day!
If no one was there to disturb things, just imagine a wide flat lake of mud...
Doesn't look too bad...
But then you watch the person in front of you as he starts striding through the shallow water... and after a few steps !BOOM! he is falling head first into a deep muddy trench cunningly concealed by the water!
Check this video... jump to about 3:40 for a classic slip, slide, splash!! 
The video was taken on the Saturday... But on Sunday they had added more water, so you couldn't easily see where the trenches were...
It was fun!!
I would wade through the water, clamber up and slide on my butt until my feet would slip into the next trench then repeat... a little light hearted entertainment to raise the spirits before the soul crusher arrived...

In the final water pit, I found one of the energy gels floating in the muddy goodness. I grabbed it and put it in my pocket (hoping that it wouldn't fall out in some other waist deep water trap to follow) to save for later in the event when I thought I'd be needing it.

Quite a jog and we began to realise that we had done a loop and come back to somewhere near the starting area... and the areas that were designated as "Spectator Viewing Areas"... so we knew that something was afoot...

Boa Constrictor
Similar to Trench Warfare, except the tunnels are corrugated metal that is sloped downwards into water... so you slide on down and crawl through the muddy water (barbed wire above to prevent any standing!) and then crawl up a similar tunnel on the other side... was worried about climbing up and sliding all the way down again, but made it and SB held out a helping hand to pull me out of the other side.

Electric Eel
Oh yes... the electric stuff that everyone hears about...
Plain and simple... this sucked!
:)
During the pre-race hype up, we were told that the voltage had been cranked to 11 000 volts cos supposedly 10 000 volts at the Melbourne TM wasn't enough...
The Electric Eel was composed of plastic sheeting on the ground... nicely saturated with water (and not forgetting mud from previous TMs)... and then lots and lots of little wires hanging down... hanging down and waiting to caress and shock you!
There were signs saying "If you have a heart condition or epilepsy, do not do this"... We have a strong family history of epilepsy and it was once thought when I was in primary school that I did have it (later shown to be OK though)... So those signs kicked up the fear factor again... but I went for it!

I start crawling under the wires... there are plenty that are brushing against me but no shocks yet... they appear come randomly... and then they arrived!
It was like getting punched... big heavy thumps... my thigh... my back... my butt... thump thump thump... it was not pleasant... not at all... it didn't tingle... it freaking thumped and it thumped HARD!
I was gritting my teeth... worried I would bite the tip of my tongue off if I opened my mouth... every shock I would grunt... I could hear others around me grunting too...
And then, I got what felt like an EXTRA BIG shock!! It made my jaw clamp harder and it felt like my teeth were gonna crack... I'm not 100% sure, but the only explanation I can come up with is that I took a shock directly to the head and so those muscles were affected directly...? Whatever it was, it sucked even harder than before!
I'm not sure what the distance was... maybe 10m maybe 15m...
But it sucked the whole way... :)

When I got out the other side, I was hurting and angry...
So what does one do usually in such a situation?
Turn around and hurl abuse at the inanimate object that has just tortured you!!
"Fuck you! You motherfucking bastard!!"

It was... therapeutic... :)

The physical pain is only very brief, but the memory of it sticks with you...
And it takes it out of you a bit too...
You may have been riding on a high previously, but it is almost as if you have taken a hit to your confidence...

Berlin Walls #2
...be careful what you wish for!
Remember back at the first lot of Berlin Walls...? I was complaining about it being too easy?
Not this time...!
Even with the step up, I couldn't get anywhere near the top...
Needed the help of a couple of people to provide a boost to get my fingers over the top and pull myself over.
Then there was a second set of walls that were even higher!!
Again, boosted up and lowered myself down on the other side... nightmarish visions of twisting an ankle...
But this was a good obstacle as it started to really bring out the TM spirit... One recalls the second and fourth line of the Tough Mudder pledge:

I put team work and camaraderie before my course time.

I help my fellow Mudders complete the course.

Fire Walker
This is more of a visual effect obstacle... Good for advertising...
Burning hay bales on either side of a mud run... for about twenty metres...
The biggest thing I was worried about, was having an asthma attack from smoke inhalation!!

Soon after Fire Walker, as we were jogging along, we passed a guy on the ground who was obviously suffering from some serious cramps as his partner stretched his legs back. Now you may remember that back at the Dirty Ballerina, I picked up an energy gel. Luckily, I still had it in my pocket, so I jogged back to the guy and gave it to him. I was feeling fine and he needed it more than I did. He was most grateful. Again...

I help my fellow Mudders complete the course.

A lot of the open track was just dirt and gravel. Easy to jog on.
However, there were some sections of the course that were mud runs... It is Tough Mudder after all... About ten to twenty centimetres deep perhaps... not too difficult to keep a good pace through often... There were regular hidden pits though, that would suddenly have you knee deep in squelchy goodness!! They were random and always unexpected!!

Along the course were signs... Some motivational... Some with things like "Remember you signed a death waiver"... One of my faves was "Not being able to finish Tough Mudder isn't embarrassing. Signing up for a 5km fun run is embarrassing." :)

Spider's Web
Big chunky netting that you had to climb up and over and then down again.
There was a bit of a hold up with this one though...
We had to wait about thirty minutes as a girl had fallen and they were keeping her immobilized until the paramedics arrived.
About two thirds of the netting was accessible but it was just slow going...
Another girl had reached near the top but had been struck by fear and wasn't moving... She was clinging on for dear life and frozen there...
It started with her team mates... words of encouragement and others climbing up to help her... then it spread amongst the waiting Mudders... we were all soon shouting encouraging words and cheering her on... the TM spirit was alive and thriving! :)
When she got over the top, there were cheers and claps all around...
The paramedics checked the grounded chick, gave her a pethidine whilste to suck on and got her on her feet. More cheering and encouragement came from the crowd! But she was happy and in La-La Land with her whistle. ;)
Things finally started moving and we scaled the net.
Wasn't too difficult, but at the top, the metal cables holding the netting up were slick with mud and quite slippery. Suddenly had an understanding about how the girl perhaps had fallen! It was a bit worrying but what was more worrying were the people next to me climbing over and swinging their feet out, almost taking my head off! Nothing like a swift roundhouse kick to knock you off the top!
Got safely down the other side then spent a couple of minutes bracing the bottom of the netting, making it easier for fellow mudders to climb up and over.
Quite a run thru some forest area brought us along to...

Hold Your Wood
The aim here was to pick up a short log of wood - around 15kg perhaps - and carry it along a section of course that was a few hundred metres in length. Not too bad except for the fact that the logs weren't particularly comfy or easy to carry and you had to watch your footing in the mud. Thankfully they hadn't dug any trenches or surprise pits. You just had to try your best not to slip over.

It was from around this section onwards, that the track was often mud trails... Some squishier than others... Some still solid enough to jog a decent pace on but others were walking only due to squelching sucking mud...

Wood Chopped
Relatively simple obstacle.
"Barriers" of logs that you had to climb over but were high enough to just crouch or crawl under if you wanted. But climbing was much more entertaining and in the spirit of an obstacle, so that's how we tackled it.
SB and I created a system. One would give the other a boost up, they would clamber over, then crawl back under and give the remaining guy a boost. Fun and simple team work.
On the very last one, I held on to the log for too long as I was climbing over it which resulted in me landing flat on my back and knocking the wind out of me. Nothing major and soon got back on my feet.

Log Jammin
Quite similar to Wood Chopped, but these were all densely packed together. But it was easy to slip and slide under and over the varying heights of the logs. The logs were smooth and we were well lubricated with mud. It was another fun moment along the way! :)
But the fun was about to end...
Quite a distance to traverse stretched before us... and the majority of it was mud of varying degrees... Tracks of the 10-20cm deep stuff that you could squelch thru easily enough but not get much speed up... Then, what looked like a vast continuous mud river stretching on for a long long way... This bit was tricky... the water was shallow enough a lot of the time that you could slog through it, but there were hidden pits scattered under the surface VERY regularly, so it seemed that every 10 metres a leg would suddenly be thigh deep or you would just tumble over!
I worked out that if you lay flat on your belly, the water was just deep enough that you could semi-swim and pull yourself along with your hands. It was better than stumbling into pit traps and seemed almost relaxing. Little did I know, I was fatiguing my arms and they were going to be necessary very soon...
SB said something about this being the Mud Mile... and whilst I hadn't seen a sign telling us so, I had to agree... There was nothing but mud and it seemed to be stretching on for a mile or more...

But then it happened...
The sign came into view...
And I had no idea of the nightmare we were about to experience...

Mud Mile
Many people have asked me in the month since I've done TM: "What was the hardest obstacle?"
Plain and simple, the Mud Mile...
Imagine this: a pit of waist deep mud, the consistency of quicksand, that is the width of the course and around 2 metres long. On the other side is a bank out of the pit with a small mud hill. And on the other side of that hill is another mud pit. Hill. Pit. Hill. Pit. Hell pit. Hell pit. Hell pit...
I lost count of how many there were... around eight or so I reckon...
The first couple didn't seem too bad. Get in the mud, wade slowly across to the bank and clamber up.
But then mud was so think that moving through it just sapped your energy.
Also remembering that this was at about the 19km mark. We'd been through a lot but we were really being tested now.
Fatigue was setting in. I would get thru a pit to the other side, but I didn't have the arm strength left to haul myself up. I managed to call on some deep down rage a couple of times to give me the strength. :)
I would start yelling and growling and I could work up enough animal energy to pull myself up and out...
But then I'd used everything up... I vividly remember getting to one bank and trying to pull myself up... couldn't... tried to bring the rage... nope... energy stores depleted... tried pulling a knee up and out to get it up on the embankment... calf muscle started cramping savagely... where was that energy gel now!?!?!? ;)
I lay my head down on my hands on the mud and started laughing to myself... the laughter was a combo though... there was happiness there cos I was having so much fun but it was mixed in with a kind of mad laughter as I thought to myself, if there weren't others around me, I'd be doomed... the mud would embrace me and take me down down down into the dark...
But remember...

I help my fellow Mudders complete the course...

And this is where that line of the pledge shone its brightest.
Without each other, many wouldn't have been able to make it through. There were some energetic bunnies that still had enough in the reserves that they could almost jump across the pits. But most slumped their way down into the mud, struggled across and then had to be hauled out by one or two fellow mudders on the other side.
I managed to scurry like a Jesus Christ Lizard across one pit using my forearms and shins. I kid you not, the mud was that thick!
In another pit, I got to the other side and there was a girl in maybe her mid-twenties that probably weighed about 20-30kgs less than me. But she was the only one around, so she tried to pull me out. She had to sit on the bank while trying to pull me up. So I ended having to clamber up between her muddy, leotard-clad legs. She looked a bit embarassed and I was almost gonna make a wise crack about usually asking for a name or number first, but no. We were Brother and Sister of the Order of the Mud. We were bound by the mud.

I feel like my description doesn't do the Mud Mile justice... It wasn't just a physical challenge, it was psychological too... The mud pits drained your energy and it felt like they would never end... I kept looking at the edges of the pits where the mud appeared shallower, or on the other side of the ropes where some of the Princess Muffins were slouching along... But no! I was determined to go straight down the middle of this bastard and finish it!

A little side story... A few days after TM, I went to a sports store to buy a pair of swimming goggles... The attendant asked me why I was swimming and I said that I'd been doing a lot of running and now wanted to broaden my training. We got to talking about Tough Mudder and it turned out that he had done it over the weekend as well! I said something like "Man, the Mud Mile was a killer, wasn't it? Went straight through the middle and struggled but it was good to see the end of it." He just gave me a nervous smile, didn't say anything and finished putting through the transaction for the goggles... I started thinking to myself... He skipped it! ...or maybe he stuck to the edge bits and took the easy road... I almost wanted to scream at him for being a soft option! Gimme your TM head band punk! You don't deserve it!!
...you see? These are the invisible scars I am now burdened with thanks to the Mud Mile.

It felt like forever, but we made it through...
And every single person was covered in thick mud. I'm sure it added another 5-10kg... It was everywhere...
So we stumbled along and eventually reached our big bath, ready to wash the mud away...

Walk The Plank
Climbed up a diagonal wooden wall. Thank god there were small steps jutting out to make it a bit easier.
Found myself standing on a wide platform and looking down five metres below into a massive pool of water. I think this is in every Tough Mudder event and I've seen it on plenty of YouTube videos. I had been looking forward to it, even more so to get the mud off, but once you're standing up there and looking down, the natural fear instincts kick in. Hey, gimme a break... At this stage, I wasn't a Tough Mudder yet... I was still mortal! :)
But then I remembered the fifth line of the pledge...

I overcome all fears...

Take a deep breath, wait for the person in front of you to clear outta the way... and JUMP!!
Prior to jumping I had forgotten that I was wearing full clothing and running shoes. But once I had come up for air and started trying to paddle for shore, it hit me pretty quickly that it was a bit more difficult to swim like this! Wasn't too far to get to a shallow enough area to stand though and then it was off and running again...

We had to cross a wide and deep section of the river which helped wash off any extra mud that we missed. We were feeling pumped... We knew we were nearing the end...
And then we saw it... The towering monstrosity known as...

Everest
Well it's not that monstrous really... It's just a 3 or so metre high quarter pipe that you have to run up and try and climb over.
When we first got there, I watched a guy just bolt towards it, run up the face, grab hold of the edge and haul himself over. Made it look too easy. Then I watched EVERYONE ELSE who were having to rely on the Mudder spirit to get them over.
There were loads of people at the top reaching down and waiting to catch and drag people up. The Brotherhood of Mud was reigning supreme again!

I made eye contact with one guy at the top and charged towards the slope. I'd realised earlier on in the day that Nike running shoes, designed specifically for running, don't exactly provide optimal traction on smooth surfaces. So I was dreading slipping over on the quarter pipe before getting anywhere near the top. Thankfully, the laws of physics appeared to win the day and enough forward momentum carried me up up up... I leapt with arms outstretched... I tried to grab the guy's hands... He tried to grab my hands... We touched... We fumbled... Gravity dragged me kicking and screaming back dooooooooown the slope... :(  (which was kinda fun... think of it as a large slippery dip!)
No matter! Try again!
Walked back to the line up area... waited for a couple of others and then the same guy was still up there offering his hands so I ran for him again... run run run... up up up... jump...! fly...! GRAB!!! My fingers wrapped tightly around his forearms and his did the same to me!!!
It was a magical moment!
Yes! I'm going up baby!!
...errr not yet sunshine!

You see, I'd come to a bit of a stalemate... I was hanging on for dear life to this guy but I couldn't get my feet underneath me to help climb up and over the ledge... I tried a few times and even tried twisting my body to step sideways (can't think of a better way to describe it!) but it just wasn't happening.
But I was determined to not let go of my saviour. I didn't want to have to try running up and doing the leap of faith again. Thankfully another Mudder soon came over and he grabbed my arms as well. They hauled me up enough so my hands could hang on to the ledge. But that's all I could do... just hang there... It was the end of the course... My arms were already kaput before I ascended Everest and my footing situation wasn't helping...

Mudder #2 then asked: "Are you gonna climb up or do you want us to pull you up?"
"Pull up please"
And that's what they did. Well half way... They pulled me up enough that my tummy was directly resting on the edge of the ledge... Lay there for a bit... Realized that I still couldn't find purchase with my feet... And then the nausea kicked in!! The pressure from the edge driving into my guts wasn't making me comfy...
"Um guys... do you mind pulling me up some more? Otherwise I'm gonna puke!"
And with that impetus, they pulled me up enough that I was able to finally clamber onto the sweet sweet ledge and lay on my back for a bit... I had reached the summit!!
Mudder #1 says to me: "You are one determined motherfucker."
"Sorry mate, but I wasn't letting go!" :-D

I then assisted him in getting his mate up and thought I'd stick around for at least one more before heading onwards. That "one more" proved to be a workout! A Mudder who was probably as tall as me but solidly packed with muscle came charging up the slope and grabbed Mudder #1's arms. I reached down straight away to help out, but he was a big boy! I was half trying to pull him up and half trying to make sure I didn't tip over the edge and back down the slide again... Another Mudder had started helping from the otherside as well and I reached down and got my hand behind his knee to start pulling him up. As he came up over the edge, there was a bit of hand slippage and there may have been some contact with the family jewels, but what's a little groping amongst Mudders, right??  ;-)

Scaled down the other side of Everest with a spring in my step. SB and I began our final short jog... The end was in sight... We were already imagining that free beer as we crossed the finish line... However, there was one thing standing in our way... And that was...

Electroshock Therapy
The final obstacle on every Tough Mudder event is this bad boy.
Probably the most publicized obstacle... And the most feared...
Approximately a 10-15 metre run through densely dangling electric "vines"...
One mate asked me: "How do you train for electric shocks?"
Besides whizzing on an electric fence, I have no idea.

If this was the one and only electrically charged obstacle on the course, maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Yeah you know it's gonna be unpleasant, judging by the videos you have seen online, but it should be doable, right?
But it wasn't... It was the second charged obstacle, and it was for that very reason, that SB had a moment of weakness. We both knew of the pain that was coming... It's not like the pain lasts... But it is very uncomfy and like I said before... it just sucks!

SB tells me that he is going to skip Electroshock Therapy... He's done... The Electric Eel was enough and he doesn't want that again... I was, for want of a better word, shocked..! SB is a unit... a machine... He had been unstoppable all day. And here he was, ready to skip the final obstacle. I have to confess, when he said those words, I was tempted... I had my moment of doubt... But no way... I'd been waiting and training for nine months for Tough Mudder and I was going to conquer *every* *single* *obstacle*...
SB had helped me out along the course multiple times and now it was my turn to repay the favour.
I can't remember what I said now, but it was along the lines of coming this far and not backing down. I told him I was doing it no matter what and that I wanted him to do it too...
Do it for team !!!TAKE IT!!!...
He agreed. :)

So this was it... the final hurdle...
Ahead of us, was a team of five guys all wearing identical black T-shirts with some sort of logo on it. They were lined up and waiting for the signal to go... And they were off!! All five made it to about half way before all five crashed to the ground! I'm not sure if they slipped on the muddy ground or the shocks drove them to their knees or one at the front went down and tripped the rest. But it didn't matter. Now they just had to crawl as fast as they could while still getting zapped!

So that wasn't the most reassuring sight to behold prior to our dash through the terrible trendils, but there was no backing down now...
We steeled ourselves and waited for the ref's signal to go...
GO!!!
Arms up and crossed in front of my face, I charged through the wires. It felt as if I made it about half way before my first jolt. It wasn't too bad... I kept running... THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Three more jolts but then I was clear of the forest of wires and still on my feet!!
I raised my hands in the air and let loose a mighty "Fuck yeah!!!"
I looked over to SB who had also made it through the whole way on his feet. We were both grinning like idiots and then he says to me: "One of those shocks made it feel as if my balls went back up into my pelvic cavity!"
YOWSERS!

The Finish Line
We walked over the finish line...
(my original idea of doing the Gangnam Style horsey dance over the line was long forgotten!)
Someone put the official finishers Tough Mudder orange sweat band on my head...
A cold VB was pressed into my hand...
A flock of snow white doves were released around me...
Rose petals were strewn ahead of my feet so that I no longer stepped upon mud...
Screaming teens shoved notepads in my face wanting autographs...
Virgins threw themselves at my feet... begging for me to take them...

I was no longer mortal...

I was a Tough Mudder...